Quick update

by Michelle

The last couple weeks have been quite hectic but I’m still doing my best to quit smoking and stay on track with eating healthy.

I’ve been making all sorts of tasty suppers (not necessarily the healthiest though… Oh well) so that my husband would be well fed during his final exams for his accounting degree. Feels like I’ve been waiting forever for him to graduate! Lol. We’re still waiting to get all his marks back but I think he’ll be ok :) . The convocation ceremony is in June – so excited!!

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Busy week/ quitting smoking too!

by Michelle

It’s only Tuesday and it’s already a busy week! Thank goodness this weekend is Easter long weekend – I just get Friday off work but that’s good enough for me.

Busy week? Yes indeed. I have quite a few doctors appointments and whatnot on top of having to do all the month end reports and whatnot for my job. It’s a bit stressful trying to get my workouts to fit into my schedule but I’m doing my best.

So another update – I’m actually doing ok with quitting smoking this time! I got this free app on my iPhone called iQuit and it is helping so much! Ive been using the app for a little over 14 days and I managed to cut back smoking by quite a bit! I’m ashamed to admit it but I’m a pretty heavy smoker – I usually smoke about 1/2 a pack a day. :( the good news is that with using this app I have smoked 2 less packs than Ii normally would!!! Yay!!!

I must say I am a bit cranky but the withdrawal is getting easier to deal with! The way the app works is that you double tap the screen when you have a smoke and then it starts a timer until you can have another smoke and you can’t record another one until the timer is done. The app gives you a few cheat smokes for when you’re really “needing” it too. The great thing is that each time you record a smoke in the app the timer adds more time so it spaces your smokes out so you will eventually not be smoking at all!!! I honestly have tried all sorts of things to quit and this seems to be helping the most so far!!

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Gym update

by Michelle

Well I went to the gym yesterday as planned. I think I did well but now my right hip joint hurts! So maybe I over did it? Maybe is just didn’t do enough stretching? Not sure but I really don’t want this to hold me back From getting my routine back in order – I’m planning on going again today in spite of the pain in the hip.

So yesterday I did 20 min on the elliptical machine (1.26 miles) and 40 min on the exercise bike (did a little over 12 miles on that). I think that’s pretty good right?

I don’t bother worrying about what the machines tell me for the amount of calories I’ve burned. I just focus on doing more miles in the time that I’m there. You’ve probably heard this before elsewhere but the amount of calories burned which shows on exercise equipment can be very inaccurate since there are factors which it doesn’t take into account (like height, sex, weight, etc). Since this is the case I just give it my all and keep an eye on any results on the scale (along with trying to eat properly!)

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Too much food at the buffet!

by Michelle

Well yesterday as you know from my previous post it was my birthday so I had a large cheat meal at a buffet. I managed to eat less than I was planning but I still ate too much! So much in fact that I can still feel it bubbling in my tummy this morning. Yeah so it almost feels like a hangover from food – probably because the food was so laden with sugar and sodium. Ugh… I really enjoyed the meal but not enjoying the way I feel this morning!

So yeah, I’m going to turn over a new leaf and put more focus into eating healthy meals each day. I’ve been guilty of stuffing myself with too many simple carbs, too much sugar and not enough fresh veggies.

Since I turned 27 yesterday it reminds me of one of my goals – to get super fit before I’m out of my 20′s. I want to enjoy being healthy and fit while I’m young since its harder to lose the weight as a person gets older. I’m tired of feeling low on energy and not being able to fit into clothes properly. It can be fixed though! I just need to be more dedicated to my goals.

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excited for my birthday cheat meal!

by Michelle

yay! Today is my birthday!  I’ve been struggling with the whole “getting older thing” but I’m having a really great birthday so far! (I turn 27 today – wow, really where has the time gone?)

I didn’t take the day off work today but I do have the luxury of working remotely through my computer at home! Very happy and thankful for that – it gives me some time to relax a bit and spend some time with my awesome cat (oh and the husband)! lol

I miss my family back home in New Brunswick but I’ve been getting lots of birthday messages and calls from them with birthday wishes! good to know I’ve not been forgotten! lol

So since today is my birthday I’m having a cheat meal for supper – it’s going to be at this massive chinese buffet here in Toronto called Mandarin.  I rarely go there since it’s hard to overcome the temptations of eating everything in sight but today is special and I’m really looking forward to it!  I do however have a strategy – start with the veggies and salad stuff first then I can have some of the more sinful foods!  Let’s see if that works! haha

Does anybody else out there get this excited about food?  yeah probably but I’m soooooo excited!

ps. I promose I’ll do my best to control myself while I enjoy every bite!!  this isn’t just my birthday it’s my cheat day! :)

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Some thoughts

by Michelle

I really need to update my blog more often. I guess I’ve been going through a lot lately and have been making the excuse that this has been getting in the way of my writing. Although I really have been going through a lot, I know I have to make more of an effort to make posts here since it will most likely help me deal with things better – in terms of venting and getting things off my chest.

I guess another reason I’ve been neglecting my blog is that although I love to speak my mind and share my thoughts I have this nagging feeling that maybe no one’s really interested or they’re making judgements about me. Well, I’ve been thinking lately… Who cares! Lol.

This blog is here for me to vent, share my life and hopefully encourage others who are going through similar issues and challenges. It’s up to me if I want to post something or not and I really shouldn’t care if anyone thinks negatively of my posts. I don’t know what was making me feel this way since no one has posted nasty comments or anything! I guess I’ve just been feeling discouraged with things overall and looking for negative things when they’re not really there. I mean there are negative and difficult things that have been going on in my life but I shouldn’t let that keep me from doing things proactively to make myself happy. This blog makes me happy and I need to continue to write what’s on my mind – so I will!

So yeah like I said there’s been a lot going on but I’m trying to stay positive.
In the past I’ve had a lot of issues with anxiety and depression – I thought I was doing ok these past few years but the dark thoughts have been gradually creeping back in and becoming too much. I tried to ignore it but everything just kept building up within. Honestly I think it’s time to go back to the doctor and see if I can get some help. Yes- there I said it. I need help. There’s nothing wrong with that and it’s good that I’m being honest about it.

This blog is about my struggles with weight loss but there are so many factors outside of eating too much or eating the wrong things that can affect progress. When your mind isn’t in the right place it makes reaching those weight loss goals that much more difficult.

I’m hoping that once I get my inner workings all in order that everything else will fall into place. It will take some time but I’m trying to stay positive. In coming posts I plan on being more open, candid and honest about my life like I originally planned to and hope that someone out there in the interwebs will be able to relate!

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Been a while!! some updates!

by Michelle

Hi everybody!

I know, I know… it’s been a super long time since I’ve posted any updates.  I’ve been super busy with a lot of things and I guess life just got in the way. grrrr…  I’ve been working on getting “back on the wagan” again…lol… gained a few pounds unfortunately but I’ve been back to the gym trying to fix this!

I’m planning on updating my site more often, post more recipes and a whole bunch of other stuff – so please stay tuned!

Also if the site looks a little wonky it’s because I’m trying to sort out a new look to everything – should be looking good soon though!

 

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Gym update!

by Michelle

wow! just wow!  I shocked myself!

I was so nervous (social anxieties and all) about finally going to the gym and I am finding that I actually like it there! – or at least I’m not minding it as much as I thought I would!

Its usually very difficult to get myself motivated and I do get discouraged pretty easily and can only do about 25min on the elliptical machine – but today – I went to the gym after work and I actually did 1 hr of cardio there!! Whoa whoa whoa! – where the heck did this come from?!  I’m the girl who’s known as the complainer who hates to exercise!  Seriously I guess I’ve hit another one of those turning points where I just can’t stand the feeling of being unhealthy – I’m tired of just sitting around all the time and doing nothing – I need to move around more and I’m on the way to making this a solid routine!  Going again tomorrow!

Also on the diet side of things – I’ve been doing pretty good lately – staying below or at my daily calorie intake level for the past 7 days or so!

Been cutting down the carbs and sugars in my diet so tonight for dinner I’m having some Vegan Cabbage rolls (yes, vegan cabbage rolls! it’s possible!) and a whole bunch of steamed veggies on the side!  I may put up the recipe in a couple days when I have the chance – so look out for it!! :)

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courage

by Michelle

This is just a quick update to let everyone know that I finally had the courage to call and make that appointment for my gym membership!  I’m still nervous as heck about it but I really need to put things in motion.  My appointment is for this Saturday afternoon :)

I know there are probably lots a people out there who are not at all nervous about going to the gym – no matter their size – but I’ve been dealing with social anxiety issues for most of my life and this is a big step for me.  My nervous self can just think of plenty of reasons not to go to the gym – like feeling like an outsider amongst all the fit people, worrying about my chub jiggling as I go, and not having enough energy and looking like a fool if I start out really slow.

BUT… here’s the thing… if I keep up with it and ignore these little phobias for the time being I’m actually going to end up fitting in with these fit people, jiggly chub will be gone eventually and I will get more energy and more endurance as I go!  I kind of shocked myself with that positive little thought!  It take a lot to motivate me but I’m tired of seeing the scale stay at the same level or go up little by little.

To get myself back in exercise mode I’ve been using the elliptical machine downstairs in my building for 30min/day.  30min is a small amount of time I know, but I’m really out of shape but at least it’s something!

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time for a change…

by Michelle

I’m trying to steadily get back into the swing of things and get back on track in terms of my diet and exercise however I just keep hitting stumbling blocks – namely Me.  I don’t know why but I just keep sabotaging myself and setting myself up for failure by eating the wrong kinds of foods and eating way too much – I always end up telling myself “it’s ok this time” but ‘this time’ tends to become almost every time. I don’t know why I can’t control myself!

I’ll admit it – lately I’ve been super lazy – most days after I’ve spent hours and hours in front of the computer at the office I end up coming home and just sitting and looking at youtube.  I feel like I have absolutely no life – but that’s mostly my fault since I don’t get myself off my butt and out the door to do other things.  I guess I just feel so disappointed with myself and the way I look that it’s almost becoming a fear to get out and do anything – and yes I know this isn’t healthy.  I can sit here and make all the excuses I want about why my weight is going up and down but it’s not going to do anything to fix the situation.  I really need to get my butt in gear and today I experienced something that may be a motivator…

Today was a very busy day at the office – my department manager is on vacation this week so myself and my other co-worker are picking up on his work – in addition to this I had to attend a major meeting today (will not mention the client but it’s with one of the major banks in Canada) and be the record keeper/what ever they need to do type person (running impromptu reports, etc).  I barely had enough time to go to the bathroom all day and I was very much looking forward to was the lunch that is always provided.   A giant breaded chicken sandwich with all the stuff I’m not supposed to touch – this was going to be my cheat meal.  I had already planned ahead that I was just going to eat half of the sandwich and save the rest for lunch the next day or give it to my husband – but I couldn’t resist…  I ended up eating the whole thing… who knows how many calories it was?  maybe 600 calories or more?

After eating this giant sandwich I felt a bit guilty but was trying to shove those thoughts back into a little dark corner of my mind where it wouldn’t pop up until I stepped on the scale.  Turns out I didn’t have to wait for the scale…  after the meeting I went back to my desk, sat down and finished up some more work then proceeded to gather the $ from others in the office for our weekly lotto pool (side note: we’ve been playing for about 6mths and still haven’t won anything – surprise surprise).  While one lady was signing her name on the lotto sheet I casually touched my stomach with one hand since the jalapeno peppers from the sandwich were starting to “have a party” in there.  She caught a glimpse and…. asked me if I’m pregnant…  I was mortified and felt ashamed of myself for where I have ended up.

I knew she asked not just because I touched my stomach but because I’m having a more difficult time hiding the weight gain in the belly region… it seems all the fat wants to go there.

so that’s i!t – that does it! – enough is enough! I’ve had it with being unhappy with myself – time for some drastic (but healthy) adjustments to my life!

  1. make a real diet plan that I can stick to and agree not to break
  2. follow my own weight loss rules and not just recommend them – hard to admit but I need to practice what I preach
  3. redeem that 4mth gym membership I bought from one of those deal sites – the deal expire Oct 7 so I got to get started!  I’ve been too nervous to go there and be seen in public/talk with a personal trainer… I can let this stop me anymore
  4. stop accepting cookies/donuts and other sweets at the office – did you know that only 1 Timbit (or donut hole as you might call them elsewhere) is 70 calories!!
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